Each year I try to quietly avoid it as I have yet to have a pleasant or even comforting experience related to the day.
To me it's a day where certain people try to prove their "gratitude" by creating elaborate decorations on graves of people they badmouthed, ignored and treated like pariahs so others will compliment them and/or their "patriotism" with a multitude of facebook posts showing stereotypical tear-jerking pictures and reprimands to everyone else about "lack of respect" for "our boys that fought" etc etc. ad-nauseum.
Pretty pictures, maybe fireworks or a parade in the past and THAT makes it all OK - they can sleep at night believing they are "good" in the eyes of whoever they are trying to impress.
How ironic.
My father was a veteran..not of any war and only for a short while - not because he didn't like it, He loved it but he loved my mother even more and she did not like the idea of military life so he gave up that dream. I have a picture of him as a toddler sitting holding an early toy airplane.
The marriage lasted 20 rocky years until I was Active Duty in California and he found his way there after it collapsed. He eventually went on to work on the Stealth fighter and during that time spent back with the military he was the happiest and proudest I suspect in his life.
It was also that time when he couldn't tell anyone what he was doing and I heard all the resentment, cruel hatred, etc that the rest of the family held for him. It was useless trying to reason with them. Years passed.
When orders came for me he stayed in CA and over the years was even more isolated until a few years back when my daughter sensed something wrong and pleaded with him to visit. I had retired from the AF by then and took Dad with me to the VA. After my appointment I couldn't find him - turns out he'd had a heart attack and my daughter and I spent the next 6 months making the 2 hour each way trip nearly daily when he went from bad to worse, had a quadruple bypass, months comatose and several setbacks. All during that time we also had to fend off the animosity and rude rants from those relatives. NOT ONCE did any of them make an effort to help or to visit and instead proceeded to go on rants about him, me and my daughter.
Finally he was well enough to leave the VA hospital and his brother convinced Dad to move to Florida where he spent the next couple of years on his own until one day he woke and couldn't move. It was then that I received a call from the relatives that have a summer home in Florida demanding I once again "handle father".
When I explained that I was not able to due to illness, lack of money to get to Florida and responsibilities here raising a daughter alone and helping our mother who was here and also needed help the disrespect and games got worse.
I got a call complaining that it cost them thousands of dollars to go to Florida and clear out/sell/handle Dad's situation - guess they figured since I'd paid and handled it all before I should do so again..and were angry when I didn't.
Dad passed away several months later and I received a brief call from a sister-in law stating he died and that they would let me know when and where the funeral would be. I waited never receiving another call and if Mom knew she chose to not say anything to me.
Time passed and late the day before the funeral I found out from a distant cousin that the funeral was the next day- no location, no invite there, no help with getting there or where to stay.
When I asked why I wasn't told since they apparently knew for a while I received a drunken insulting message from my brother blaming me.
From what I heard 3rd hand they had a very nice self-serving funeral and party after. The truth though was they never wanted me there or they would have let me know. They detested Dad yet used him in the end. Since he's now long dead they decorate the grave and act as though their hatred never existed. Others admire their dedication, etc.
So what's the point of the story? The only ones hurt have been Dad, my daughter and me - over and over by fake, hypocritical self-serving people that claim what they do not deserve and resent and abuse those that they target - regardless of the truth.
I spent over 20 years Active Duty - I've lost friends and much more. My children paid in many ways as well. I spent even longer caretaking both parents and never receiving a bit of respect for that either. I fully expect that I'll be treated worse than dirt by those people until the day I die.
It leaves me nauseous that like Dad - AFTER I die such people might play their self- serving games over my grave.
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